I'm All Meshed Up

Bladder Mesh Surgery Gone Wrong

Do not MESH with me today!!!!

I had a really bad day yesterday…somewhat of a “pity” party I threw for myself and I actually went as far as to say I was making my blog private.  Well, today I awoke very refreshed and very angry, I feel renewed and invigorated to get back on the horse and fight.
 
I will not write about anything legal pertaining to me nor will I write about my Dr’s or Specialists, I WILL write about MY story and MY pain because it is the truth. I realize that I need to be careful what I write about so a lot of stuff will be “generalizations” of a “story” belonging to “someone”.
 
I am tired of bowing down to the political aspect of this MESH by being quiet! Why is it being swept under the rug? We all know the answer to the, the almighty dollar. Isnt it always about that? My anger this morning inspired me to write the following to some of my wonderful “meshie” cohorts as I so dearly refer to them! Love you guys!!!
 
“Here is MY warning to the powers that be: Dont ask me to be silent because I wont…I will have my voice heard for all the women out there who cannot speak for themselves, I will have my voice heard until this MESH becomes a thing of the past and I will have my voice heard until I can no longer speak and I will NOT be silenced or intimidated any longer…I am making my BLOG public again because I believe in myself enough to know that I speak the truth about MY story and I want others to be able to speak up and stand alongside me…there is force in numbers and there is even more force in women who have been stripped of their dignity, their pride and their basic right to be free of pain over this issue…I will speak until I am tired of my own voice and believe me that wont happen until hell freezes over! If you believe in me and agree with me, stand beside me and cheer me on! MESH ON!!!!!”
 
I feel a certain amount of tranquility from writing this, I feel a place in my heart and soul have been let loose and I feel calm.
So there it is for today…a load off my mind, I will sleep easy tonight knowing that I have done the right thing for ME, today.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’

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I’m as “blue” as my Mesh today….

I am humbled beyond words…the kindness I have been shown through emails, Facebook and phone calls since my blog regarding my Surgical consult has been overwhelming. I got a phone message from a very special person on Thursday, my niece. We have always had a close bond and I love her dearly, she is a remarkable young woman and I am so proud of her as she works through the trials and tribulations of her life and how she has risen above them.
 
My email to her…
“Thank you my sweetheart for your wonderful phone message. I love you very much? Sorry I have not called you back…
 
If I said I was not devastated I would be a liar but I think I am coping ok…
What I’m about to say will sound bizarre and it took me a bit to understand the concept but here goes. I almost wish I had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, that way you know there is an end…this diagnosis has just brought me a life time of pain and what ifs. I don’t want to live my life-like this because it has already robbed me of so much but because I have the support of such wonderful family and friends I know I have to dig really deep one more time to pull this rabbit out of the hat, and thankfully I am strong enough and stubborn enough to do just that. I would never think of giving up…it doesn’t mean I’m not grieving for my loss….I am and I’m deeply hurt but James and I will figure this out, we work well as a team because he is the level headed methodologist of the two of us…he can break everything down into a “flow” sheet and systematically work through it…I tend to just wave my hands around cursing and swearing…he calms me and reassures me that life will be good again and he is right beside me and he always tells me, “I’ve got your back, Sunshine, always and forever”.
 
Today I have a migraine and my insides hurt so I am having a day of codeine and chic flicks…I was crying this morning when I saw the sun shining and said to James, what  a waste of a beautiful day and he replied, “your alive, you have many many people who love you, you are an advocate to women who don’t have a voice, you are a warrior and a fantastic Mama Bear and you have me and I have you, so I don’t for one second think this is a waste of a day…it’s a minor set back that we’ll get thru”. Could I ask for any better? I think not…So I will take the day for what it is…just a bad day, not a bad life…
 
My kitties are both laying on me and Teisha just sent me my Lily pic so life is good, just different today. Tomorrow I will get back on the horse and raise a little hell!!
 
I love you!
Aunt Diane”
 
 
Am I angry I’m on the couch while the sun is streaming through my front window, HELL YES!!! Do I feel bad James gives up so much for me, HELL YES!!!! Do I think things will never change, HELL NO!!!!!  I am to damn stubborn to not fight back kicking and screaming all the way to the finish line!  So, I am content in the knowledge that it’s just an  “off” day and tomorrow will be better because we will make it so!
 
So, I’ve taken my codeine and put on one of my favorite movies, “Step Mom” because I can cry while watching it and just put it down to the movie!!! 
 
“Often daunted, NEVER defeated “!!! 
 
 
Everything is possible to those who believe.
 
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

 
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The MESH will NOT define me, I will Define me…

I was laying in bed one night when this came to me… I think this will serve all of us “meshies” well, if we stay true to it…

“I do not define myself by how many roadblocks have appeared in my path.

I define myself by the courage I’ve found to forge new roads.

I do not define myself by how many disappointments I’ve faced.

I define myself by the forgiveness and the faith I have found to begin again.

I do not define myself by how long a relationship lasted.

I define myself by how much I have loved, and been willing to love again.

I do not define myself by how many times I have been knocked down.

I define myself by how many times I have struggled to my feet

I am not pain

I am not my past

I am that which has emerged from the fire.”

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Another “Meshed” up day….

My mind is racing right now after my consultation with the Uro Gynecologist/Surgeon for mesh removal. I’m not really sure where to begin as it’s all just a big jumble of stuff in my head, so I guess I will just write and see what comes out!  

The Dr is very nice and personable but he is young, to young to look like a “mesh removal specialist” whatever one would look like I have no clue so I shouldn’t judge. He doesn’t have the years of experience at this like an older surgeon does but then the older Surgeons don’t believe there is an “issue” with the mesh, so your stuck between a rock and a hard plate.

He started out by asking the obvious, “what has brought you here today”. OK, I wanted to say something smart ass like. “I had nothing better to do than drive to Richmond on a cold rainy day”…uhhhh DUHhhhh, stupid question!  Sorry, I’m a little irritated right now! So I went through the story of how it all began one day in Dec 2009 when a wonderful Johnson & Johnson Ethicon Gyencare TVT-O was implanted in me. I went through the story from beginning to present and even gave him all the copies I had made for him in terms of symptoms and complications and extensive health issues. He was very cordial about all that. Then it was time to do the dreaded internal to see what the mesh is up to…ohhh yay!

I thought I was going to take one of my legs and kick him square in the face if he “probed” any further…he said, “Oh, I m sorry, am I hurting you”…YA THINK buddy! geeesshhhh! But out of that came the very definite, “Oh, there it is just hanging on the right side”…so that is what I am feeling when sitting down. It has definitely eroded through the vaginal wall and is now making its way down through the various “departments” (Dr’s term not mine!  lol) to the vaginal opening. So, YES, it was mesh I had come out of me the other day! He saw it and confirmed it. I felt validated in that moment of once again not loosing my mind! It’s odd to me how wonderful it can feel to have a Surgeon tell you such a horrendous thing is happening to your body and yet its music to my ears…its justification I am right and validation to J&J that they produced a defective product and will now have to make a very good compensation to me for their obvious disregard for my health and every other persons health that has been effected by their product!

We head back into his office and at that point I should have got James to come in but i was on a high from the findings. He told me very bluntly that he could not remove ALL of the mesh because now that it has broken away from the inner thigh it has started to disintegrate and he likened it to angel hair that is very fine and wispy and goes in every direction possible. He said at best he could get anywhere from 75-80% out in one operation PROVIDING everything is as it looks from just a visual inspection. Herein lies my allergy issues…he said due to my extensive drug allergies he would only put me on antibiotics prophylactic right before the surgery (while in hospital) and would do the necessary tests, cystoscopy and trans-labial u/s on the operating table while under anesthetic in case of complications. He does not want to take a chance of me getting a bladder infection from the tests prior to surgery…he said if they do it while I’m under and there are complications I will be in a safe, controlled environment. He also said he will consult with the Allergist, Immunologist, Infectious Disease Specialist, Rheumotologist and GP prior to surgery to get everyone on the same page. He said I am complicated and the surgery is very complicated but I feel safe knowing that he has MY best interest at heart.

We then discussed “Foreign Body Rejection” which is what he said is happening to my body and why I am sick all of the time. Basically my immune system knows this mesh is “shit” in my body and is trying to expel it anyway it can, hence the Multiple Drug Allergy Syndrome and Lupus diagnosis’ in last 2 months. He told me he could take away “most” of my health issues DIRECTLY related to the mesh such as pain, bladder infections and erosion BUT would not be able to guarantee that the removal of the mesh is going to give me back my health outside of the mesh symptoms. He explained that yes the mesh caused all of these problems but removing it does not mean I will be healthy and without health issues. He said especially the Lupus and Multiple Drug Allergy Syndrome. My heart  sank in that moment and I cried…your telling me that you CAN’T give me back my health…Yes Diane, that’s what I am saying.

My mind didn’t even know how to process that information and I just wanted James in the room with me…I wanted James to tell this man he wanted better for me…I wanted James to say this is not acceptable what this mesh has done to my life and all the people in my life and that  J&J must be held accountable…My Lawyer had advised me not to mention a Lawsuit, period. I just wanted to slide under the desk and close the world out because in that moment I knew I would never get “the life I knew” back and I was very angry, very sad but most of all scared of what lies ahead.

I was sitting there a million miles away when I heard the Dr’s voice ask if I were ok…truthfully “No” but I will live and I will get through this and if we work together as a team and you are always honest and open with me, then I trust you to do what you can, which is your best, I will not accept anything but your best because it is my body and my future you hold in your hands. He agreed and said shall we go ahead and book you then? One last question, will you be able to make a new sling from my own flesh, like in the olden days, to fix the prolapse’ and he said yes but it would be 6-9 months down the road once I am recovered enough from this surgery. Ok…then lets get this show on the road, I have a grand-daughter I am dying to play with, run around with and be a crazy Nana to!!!

I told James how wonderful he is to me and that I am very thankful every day that he is in my life and I hope none of this changes that…He is a blessing and I am grateful EVERY day for him being in my life…

 As difficult as life is sometimes I  never take for granted the wonderful, loving people I have in my life…I have a lot of people cheering me on and walking this journey with me…I love you all and I will always be grateful for what you all give to me…

“One day your life will flash before your eyes, make sure it is worth watching”

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I’m one big fat “MESH” today…

Today I write from pain…I write from a broken heart and a broken soul…I write because it’s the only way I know how to stay sane.

It has been a difficult few weeks trying to stay ahead of the pneumonia with no meds and yet trying to maintain some sort of life including my relationships with the people I love. That’s the hardest part, how do you maintain and preserve your life when your wracked with pain, fear, isolation and sadness.

I guess you do what you know best if you’re in mesh hell…you paint on a happy face and try go about business as usual. It hurts so much though and you have to dig really deep to maintain your composure, to laugh when everyone else does, to find the joy in life that IS all around you and to trust in yourself that you are doing the very best you absolutely can. You let go of the immense guilt you feel when you can’t participate in functions, you let go of the guilt you feel when someone asks how you are and you once again have to respond with the rhetorical “Fine thank-you and how are you”? You learn quickly to turn the question back over to the person who asked you so that you can divert any possible follow-up of, “So how are you REALLY doing”? My first reaction is to say,  “Ok, you don’t even want to go there” but I try to stop their thought before they say it. It’s tiring trying to stay on top of what I do or don’t want to say.  

I’m tired of the painted on “happy” face, I’m tired of dragging my ass out of bed every morning when all I REALLY want to do is pull the covers up over my head and tell the world to go away. Living in a world of pretense is exhausting and yet it is so much easier to pretend your life is great than to try to explain what is REALLY going on.  I feel like I am on a constant roller coaster, up down, up down, but as the days and weeks go by the downs are much more frequent than the ups. It gets harder and harder to face another day of “pretense” and yet it is still easier than the truth.

So you may be asking yourself what brought about this blatantly honest post today. Its been a series of events in which I have tried not to acknowledge full well knowing that you can only stuff so much in your laundry hamper before it overflows…that is where I am today, my hamper overflowed and now I need to address it, head on.

For the past 3 weeks I have been fighting pneumonia (I can’t take antibiotics due to my extensive “Multiple Drug Allergy Syndrome”) and seem to get one step ahead and then take 2 back. I have been frustrated beyond words. I havent seen my grand-daughter for close to a month as I don’t want to get her sick and I havent seen my mother for over a month but (who was in hospital for a month) who is now out of hospital but still having delusions. We have also turned down a few invites for various social functions including dinner at my son’s house last week on his birthday.

 We were busy all weekend trying to get some errands caught up and I am paying the price for it today. I knew I would but I had to get out of this damn house as the walls were beginning to feel like they were closing in on me.

Last night I had my first very real moment of realization, a piece of “mesh” actually expelled from me. I had to retrieve it and tape it on a piece of paper as it is now “evidence”. I was mortified, disgusted, angry and funny enough elated (all at the same time) as it is validation that I am NOT crazy but also the realization that this IS happening to me.

I have to acknowledge it nearly every stinking minute of every single day and if I don’t acknowledge it, IT quickly reminds me with a few strong pokes of mesh in the bladder or other places! I was angry and upset and I felt very very alone in that moment. I rolled over crying softly and waited for much-needed blissful sleep to take me out of the moment.

The horrible reality of this nightmare is how alone and isolated you feel…there could be 100 people in the room with me and yet I feel so completely and utterly alone. The sadness sets in and its hard to pull yourself back up and out of it. There are days I don’t even want to answer the phone, let alone see anyone and yet I know that is wrong. I can either wallow in self-pity or I can pull up my big girl panties and get on with this life as I know it right now. 

Today I have decided that as upset and alone I feel, I am pulling up the big girl panties and fighting back. I will not let this MESH take away my pride and my dignity and I will not let it silence me. As I am writing this I feel the anger setting in and that is a good thing for me as I tend to have my little pity party and then I get pissed off and look out to whoever or whatever is in my way!

I am rising above the injustices of this mesh and looking toward getting it out of me and rebuilding my life. I am also looking forward to helping bring awareness to this nightmare and being an advocate for women who can’t share their stories but want to. If this is what GOD has given to me then he picked me for a reason and although I may never know that reason, I will take it as the sign it is intended to be and that is to help others.

As I am finishing up writing this post I am feeling victorious…I have overcome my sadness and isolation today by taking back my life and fighting back, that is what writing gives to me, strength.

I will never let this take me down completely, yes I will have days in which it may overpower me for a bit, but it will NEVER defeat me, EVER…I am too strong for that…

“Often daunted, NEVER defeated”.

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New Contact Info…

Hello!

I am busy gathering information for my blog! It is more work than I anticipated but I know my hard work now will pay off big time once I connect with other fellow “meshies”!!!

I have set up an email account specifically for this blog, so if you wish to private message me, please do so at:  imallmeshedup@shaw.ca

Sending you all healing prayers!

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Here’s hoping you will “mesh” with me!!!!!

This is just a quick post to say that I am working diligently on this blog trying to get information out to those who are suffering from the repercussions of bladder sling surgery.

I am going to be putting a list of resources together and will add them to my blog over the next few days. I will admit I am technologically challenged so I am relying on help from some of my wonderful “meshie” friends!!!!

When I started this blog it was with the intention of just telling my story but the more I thought about it the more I realized how selfish that is. I am only able to blog about this topic because of some wonderful people I have recently met through various websites regarding TransVaginal Mesh. I literally went to the google search engine and plunked in various different ways of getting mesh info and  it was mind-boggling what came up. From that moment I had opened up my “Pandora’s Box” and here I am today setting up my own blog to reach out to the people who so badly need information on this medical crisis.

So I ask that you be patient with me while I learn all the new technology I will need to know in order to provide an informative blog to you all. I look forward to meeting some wonderful people whom I hope will become apart of my “mesh” family…its a shame we are all brought together through such adversity…ironically it will be that adversity that will forge and bind life long friendships.

So here I am saying I am officially putting myself and my story out to you in hopes that I can make your life just a little bit brighter by providing you with the resources you will need in order to put your life back together after the horrors of mesh bladder slings.

“Often daunted, NEVER defeated”

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The Beginning of a long “meshed” up story known as my Life…

This Mesh blog is not for the faint at heart…it will be very graphic at times, very honest all of the time and down right bizarre some of the time.

In Dec 2009 I had TVT-O surgery for a bladder prolapse. I always thought I lost my vanity after the birth of my 2 kids but to be quite honest, it was during the process of getting ready for the surgery and then the actual operation when I really lost it.

After my surgery I was very sore on the right side and could barely sit on my buttocks. I was in pain but was re-assured by my Dr that the pain would subside, I didn’t push the issue any further and that was MY first mistake. I always preach about going with your “gut” instinct or your “women’s” intuition and yet for some reason I didn’t and it’s a mistake I will forever regret.

The pain did go but I noticed other things happening to my body in terms of illness.”  In  May 2010 I got pneumonia but I didn’t even have a cold, I went to the Dr. for something totally unrelated and he listened to my chest and sent me for a chest X-ray. He called me the next morning and said to come in and see him right away. I had pneumonia he said and he couldn’t believe I didn’t even feel sick. He put me on antibiotics and off I went! Two weeks later I went back and the pneumonia had not gone even though I felt fine so he put me back on the same antibiotics. I took one pill ( I was home alone while doing this) and right away felt very nauseous and weird, my heart rate went crazy, my chest and throat felt funny and I was very itchy. I realized something weird was happening  so I drove to my Dr’s office just 2 minutes away. I ran inside ( didn’t even park my car I just left it in park in the middle of the parking lot) and yelled I think I’m having an allergic reaction. The receptionist whisked me into a room and the Dr came flying in and by this time I could barely breathe, he said I have to give you a shot of EPI and I said, “NO.” He looked me right in the eye and said, “Diane, without this you will die as you are in Anaphylactic Shock from the antibiotic”.  Stick the needle where ever you want was my only response realizing the serious of the situation. My Dr said if I had stayed at home and waited for an ambulance I would have died.

After that I noticed the prolapse again so went back to my Dr for a referral back to my Gynecologist, again. This was now the summer of 2010 and I wasn’t doing so well physically. I got a bladder infection and was given Macrobid and I ended up in the ER with an allergic reaction to it. So that drug was now eliminated and I was down to very few antibiotics.

I was also having severe knee issues as well from an injury but the Dr was more shocked at the amount of osteo-arthritis I had for my age which was 49 at that point. I was scheduled for 2 knee surgeries going into 2011.

My health was slowly declining over the last year or more with colds, infections, headaches and just feeling under the weather a lot of the time. I just couldn’t put my finger on one thing and was frustrated with the never-ending health issues. I was missing a lot of work and knew I had to make some serious decision about that issue. It took me most of 2010 to make a decision but I finally came to the conclusion that I was no longer able to work. I had tried to work full-time which was a nightmare so I then went part-time with no difference in my health. I decided to retire from my Government job of 31 years due to my health.

March 30, 2011 was my retirement date but due to being scheduled for surgery in February 2011 my last day of work was Jan 28, 2011 and it  was a painful day for me. I was overwhelmed with having to say goodbye to my co-workers with whom I had spent the past 20+ years with. They were not only my co-workers, they were my “family” who had been there for me through many difficult events in my life. I was very saddened by feeling like my health had forced me to make a decision I wasnt really ready to make.

February 2011 I had my first knee operation with no complications initially. In April 2011 I had an “anterior vaginal” repair done for a 2nd bladder prolapse. I was in hospital for 4 days and was having problems voiding after the catheter was taken out so they put it back in. The next day it was removed and I went home. I had a very odd vaginal smell (sorry for the graphic description) and was having difficulty voiding and had lots of back and pelvic pain. In April 2011 my Dr said I had a bladder infection and because of my severe drug allergies, we decided I would try to fight it myself. In July 2011 I still had the infection so my Dr referred me to an infectious disease specialist because of drug allergies.

 I saw her the following afternoon and was in hospital the next morning having IV antibiotics on an outpatient basis. She was furious as she said a bladder infection that long can CAUSE Toxic Shock which I had nearly died from when I was 16!!!! The drug was to be given over a 3 hour time frame (40-60 minutes is the standard) and I did ok until the 10th day when a nurse thought it was ridiculous to run the drug over that  amount of time.  I explained to her about my severe allergies and the risk of anaphylaxis and she said it was still ridiculous. I thought we had an agreement she would run it as prescribed so I put my iPod on and settled in for a nap during my treatment. The next thing I knew she was waking me up, she had run the IV over 40 minutes instead of 3 hours. I was furious and I felt sick and told her she should not have gone against the Dr’s orders. I went home and by the end of the day I had to get my daughter to take me to the ER I was so sick, I was having another reaction because of how the drug was administered! I raised hell with the hospital and demanded disciplinary action for the nurse.

In June 2011 I had another knee surgery even though I wasn’t healing very well from the first one and was in a mess from the bladder still. Somewhere around Oct/Nov 2011, I was noticing other things about my health but couldn’t connect the dots. I was so frustrated as I was still on crutches from my surgeries and dealing with all these health issues, I was becoming very depressed and just wanted to close the world out. I felt safe in my home and didn’t venture far from it.

During this time I went back to my Dr for another referral to my gynecologist as  I was also experiencing a vaginal and rectal prolapse again and was in a lot of pelvic pain, back pain, shooting pain down right leg, vaginal bulging and sharp pains, the list goes on. My Dr referred me back to my Gynecologist for consultation. When I saw her she did an internal and SAW the mesh eroded through the vaginal wall. She offered to “fix” it and I said, “Why in the hell would I want something in me that is made of Poly Propylene which is Petroleum. I want it OUT of me ASAP”. Her initial response was that she didn’t feel that was necessary. I had already done A LOT of research on the whole Transvaginal Mesh issues and knew in that moment what my body was going through, it is called, “Foreign Body Rejection.” Essentially it is your own body being allergic to the mesh and trying to reject it so you are always in a constant state of battle with your body.

In the mean time I was being tested for my drug allergies by an immunologist who said I was allergic to almost everything and  labelled me with “Multiple Drug Allergy Syndrome”. I just did the last of my drug allergy tests last Friday and am now only able to take 2 antibiotics via IV in Hospital. My allergist said it is very important I stay healthy because for me getting sick and taking antibiotics can literally be my life on the line. That is the scariest feeling I have ever had and it is a fear I carry every day. As I write this blog I am waiting for test results of strept throat. I am a nervous wreck about it.

I went to my GP in Feb with paper work for Canada Pension Disability as I left my Government job due to medical reasons. My Dr said he wanted to do some blood work as I was in tears trying to tell him how sick I feel most of the time. I told him this is not normal, people don’t live like this. He sent me for blood work and the tests came back positive for Lupus…I am now waiting for a referral to a Rheumatologist.

I can’t seem to get a handle on my health as I will feel fine for a few days and then sick for a week, it’s never-ending and I’m tired of it all. I just became a first time Nana and am missing out on precious time with my grand-daughter because I am sick most of the time. I am angry beyond words over this whole situation.

I have however met some wonderful “mesh” friends and this will be one of those battles in which I think all of us “meshies” will have to stick together and fight back. We are taking a stand against the medical experts and they do not like to be challenged, they see it as a personal attack against them. 

This is also about a Government that won’t stand up for those of us afflicted. It is also about 2 governing bodies, the FDA and HEALTH CANADA who have NOT supported us. Yes they did issue warnings in 2008, 2010 and 2011 but not once did they contact those of us who had this surgery to see if we were having any concerns. Its one of those situations that if swept under the carpet it will go away. What they don’t realize is how powerful women in numbers can be.

My goal with this blog is for now purely information for other women who are not sure what is happening to them. I will help you as much as I can. I will walk alongside you in your journeys in life, I will write about my journey’s in hopes that I can pave the way for a better tomorrow for you. If I can prevent even one women from going through the hell I am in, then I will have accomplished my mission.  The only things I cannot do is advise you on Doctors or Lawyers. This is strictly my story.

 

Although my story is not backed by “scientific evidence” at present, it is real, it is happening and it is my life.

“I do not define myself by how many roadblocks have appeared in my path. I define myself by the courage I’ve found to forge new roads. I do not define myself by how many disappointmens I’ve faced. I define myself by the forgiveness and the faith I have found to begin again. I do not define myself by how long a relationship lasted. I define myself by how much I have loved, and been willing to love again. I do not define myself by how many times I have been knocked down. I define myself by how many times I have struggled to my feet. I am not pain. I am not my past. I am that which emerged from the fire”

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Hello Family, Friends and Fellow “Meshies”!!!!

Today I start a new phase in my life, blogging about something so personal and yet so horrific that it needs to be shared.

This is not about self-gratification, it is about feeling responsible and accountable to the people I love by educating them on a health crisis I am in the midst of. I never thought in a million years I would be in the position I am in but I am so now I feel a profound sense of wanting to share my story.

I am not going into details today, I am simply setting up my new blog and saying a big HELLO to you all!

In the days, weeks and months ahead I will share with you the details of my “meshed” up mess and how it has almost ruined my life until I decided I had to take charge of my life and my destiny. I will not lay down and take this quietly, I will not be hushed up by the corporate mongers that may ensue as a result of this blog and I will not see another woman go through the hell I am in by being silent! I am putting myself out there as I do have a Lawsuit in the works but I have much to say and I am willing to take the repercussions as a result of my actions.

If you know me, you also know that I am stubborn, impatient, strong-willed and annoying at times…however I am also compassionate, loving, nurturing and loyal to my family, friends and loved ones. I will walk alongside you in your journeys in life, I will write about my journeys in hopes that I can pave the way for a better tomorrow for you…

So, I say to you all WELCOME to my story and my journey in my very “Meshed up” life! It is going to be one helluva ride!

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