I'm All Meshed Up

Bladder Mesh Surgery Gone Wrong

I’m pulling the “mesh” out of my head today…

on May 10, 2012
I didn’t finish my mesh post until 2am this morning…I wanted to get all the mountains of information out of my head and yet there is still more there! So here I go with some more tid bits for you to do whatever you want with, at least they are not swimming around my head all day!
 
My goal from day one of this BLOG was very simple…ADVOCATE AND EDUCATE, a role I am very comfortable in from life experiences….For whatever reason there are people who are not able to do this for themselves and need a gentle little push to get them started. I sat in your same spot for a awhile, feeling sorry for myself and whining and complaining to family and friends how sick I was “AGAIN”…I remember the day AND the turning point for me was the day the person whom I love so much said, “I can’t help you if you wont help yourself…you are strong, you are diligent and you are stubborn, you have weathered many storms and won them, quit your pity party, get off your arse and do SOMETHING to put an end to your suffering”! I have to be quite honest, at first I was humiliated…why would someone say that to me? I’m in enough pain as is and that certainly did not help.
 
As the days turned to  weeks and the weeks turned to months, I slowly began to realize that I was not being true to MYSELF. I have weathered many storms in my life so it was time to weather this one.  Some of them I won and others I “lost” (as in my husbands Brain Cancer journey and eventual death)  but I don’t call it a loss because I  fought for his dignity and pride, I fought for my kids to have some type of “normal” life in a world of Brain Tumors,  to this day I am not even sure how I pulled that one out of the hat! I look at my kids now and they are the most wonderful, compassionate fun-loving people ever…did their experience make them this way, I believe so…they lived the horrors no teenagers should have to live and yet they were able to take that situation and take the good of it and use it in their own daily lives..I Love you guys more than I could ever possibly tell you…Ok, a little off track here but it needed to be said.
 
After I was given a swift kick in the arse, I got mad and when I get mad, look out! I hit the internet and I was relentless in my search becasue I KNEW I was sick, I just couldn’t connect the dots.  I persevered and finally found the source of my health issues…mesh…Now it was time to get my Dr’s on board, not an easy quest and still to this day it is not fully agreed by the medical profession that mesh has done this to me. HOWEVER, I KNOW it has and to be true to myself meant I would have to do away with the mainstream norm of thinking, which is; if the Dr can’t find anything wrong, then there mustn’t be anything wrong! So I had to step outside of the “norm” and try a different approach, educating myself and advocating to others about the dangers of mesh. I armed myself with ridiculous amounts of information initially but it was empowering to be finding the source of my health issues.
 
 I was more motivated than ever when the same person who kicked me in the arse said to me, “I am so very proud of you for stepping up to the plate not only for yourself but for all the other suffers and victims out there, you are an inspiration to all of us”…my heart missed a few beats and it was in that moment I knew I had found my true calling life…fighting the injustice’s of mesh and a Health Industry and Corporate Industry who do not believe mesh can do this so they are still producing it…I will not give up in my quest for justice and the right to a normal healthy life as was with, pre-mesh.
 
Its not an easy task because a lot of my days are filled with pain and I still have many days that just getting off the couch is a days work done, but I have set goals and challenges for myself, simple ones and attainable ones. Some days it may simply be something like, get out of bed, shower and dry my hair, other days I may have a little more energy and those are the days I try to capitalize on bearing in mind that on my good days I usually over do it and end up on the couch for quite a few days to come. But I believe you have to be involved and keep moving to keep your mind from wandering to those very scary dark places in your mind that can overwhelm you, if you let them. DONT let them, stay focused and stimulate your mind with what you NEED to do to get back to being well again. Dont let the fears creep in…please dont misunderstand me here, I DO have those days but I fight really hard to change my focus on those days, it is very easy to fall into “victim” mode if you allow your mind to go there…you are only a “victim” if you allow yourself to be one…
 
Well, my head feels clearer now and I think I can finally sit down with a nice hot cup of tea and relax for the day feeling satisfied in the knowledge I will win the war, not just for myself but for all of you who need a little nudge here and there…
 

“Often daunted, NEVER defeated”


5 responses to “I’m pulling the “mesh” out of my head today…

  1. Nonie Wideman says:

    you have stepped up to the plate with courage, your head held high, and focused on the target,swinging your bat of advocacy with strength, as a team player……I so am proud of you!!!

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    • Thank you my wonderful “meshie” friend!!! Hugs….

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      • Inge Mittmann says:

        hello Nonie – I belive you wrote to me at the very first day I found the ( our ) group through CTV wonderful Avis Favaro. I have not written or done anything, because I just don’t have the energy to do anything. My body is bloated, my legs are swollen and very sore. Sometimes my insides hurts so much, I can’t bend down nor bring my feet up onto a chair, to cut my toenails. I have a constant headache now. I am not willing to take antidepressands nore sleeping pills, although I need to sleep desperately. Since I live alone, I have no-one to talk to, if I try, so called friends turn away and suddenly have other things to do, someting they had forgotten. Well they couldn’t be more obious that they either don’t care or can’t deal with something they do not understand. So I stopped talking to them unless they get in touich with me. My son and his Partner don’t understand, they are under the impression that I just like to feel sorry for myself and also do not want to hear any of the info I did get from the experiences from other victims of this “MESH-DISASTER ” In my opinion if they can’t see nore feel this, then it isn’t real. My son and my 16 year old grandson are my only Relatives in this country.. I now realize, when I first wrote to the group in general, you all sent me lots of hugs, ’cause I would need them — how right you were. I read the notes over and over, and I feel your hugs, they give me a source of comfort.- thank you so much.
        I try to do some work outside, there is so much to do but I just can’t. I want to make a small garden and work on it rvery day a bit at the time, I will not give up. I live on my farm and I will make my little garden one way or an other. I have planted 3 large tomato plants – it is a beginning. It made me feel good today when I went to water them.
        Thanks for listenig to me Mega hugs to all of you
        love Inge

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      • HI Inge:
        I am Diane and this is my Blog…I hope that you have enjoyed reading it and have sought solace in the resources and the personal journeys I have been through. You need to find some peace within you Inge and once you do that, you will find your fighting spirit! You must fight for yourself! Please join our FaceBook page, you will find the most warm, loving compassionate people in the world! We cheer each other on and we support each other…These people have become my family, my mesh family…I coldnt do all that I do without them…blessings to you Inge…You do not walk alone!
        “Today I challenge you to embrace the people in your lives, embrace who and where you are and embrace in the knowledge that you do not walk alone…Our collective voices will be heard…there is power in numbers”… ♥ ♥ ♥

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  2. Nonie Wideman says:

    Inge,

    We know how difficult it is for friends and sometimes family to understand the pain we suffer and the depression that threatens to take over our lives. I forgive them. I try to talk with them about the normal stuff which seems so trivial now . It helps keep them in our lives, where they should be. Someday they will be a position to look back and say Oh my God!..I am so sorry !!!

    I choose to love people for all their good qualities..sometime I have to dig deep to find them, and there are times there are just not enough favorable qualities there to attract my friendship, hold my friendship, let alone let myself be vulnerable and love them. We do need to use self preservation!

    I love that you do a little in your garden every day! My garden this year is one big pot with 2 tomatoes , 2 peppers, and a few flowers……..gone are my huge gardens of the past. but I will not be sad. I choose to be thankful for the memories of the pleasure it rewarded me with for my hard work as I sank my teeth into juicy sweet strawberries. Some day I may be able to do that again ! In the meantime my house is full of plants to give me a reason to putter about. We need to be able to do and not dwell on what we can’t do. I am so glad you found us… like plants we all need nurturing. Like Diane said, you do not walk alone. More hugs<3 ❤ Nonie

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